Ever have those worries that others don’t really like you? Or that your achievements are poor in comparison to others? Do you struggle to say no to others, even when it causes you harm or leaves you feeling stressed? Do you believe that you are fundamentally a bad person and don’t deserve any positive recognition? Or are you someone who hates what they see in the mirror? If you relate to any of these statements, you are likely to be suffering from low self-esteem and ought to know that you are NOT alone. In fact, many of the clients that I see experience low self-esteem, as well as those in my friend and family groups, including myself on occasion!
Self-esteem can be simply summed up as how we value ourselves (or don’t if we have low levels). Experiencing low self-esteem will evidently have a negative impact on our quality of life yet may also impact on those around us and their relationship with us.
Our self-esteem may be impacted by various things including:
Overly authoritative, absent or uninvolved caregivers
Bullying
Social media and values within peer groups
Belief systems (eg; family or religion)
Relationship problems
Health problems
Beareavement
Trauma
Signs of low self-esteem to look out for in yourself and others:
Social withdrawal
Negative self-talk
Constantly seeking affirmations or advice from others
Hostility
Sensitivity to feedback
Obsessions with others or personal issues
Fear of failure
Unhealthy relationship with food and/or drink
Lack of boundaries
Ways to improve self-esteem:
Build healthy and positive relationships
Learn to recognise what you need to feel good and start doing it
Start saying NO when you really don’t want to do something
Focus on your achievements
Evaluate your negative thoughts regularly to change your narrative (you are not your thoughts)
Practicing self-compassion and acceptance
Physical activity
Mindfulness or meditation
Forgiving yourself (and others if possible) for mistakes made
It’s important to work on self-esteem throughout our lives. By doing so we build resilience to deal with challenges that may make a dent in our confidence. Attending talking therapy is a good way to spot your weaknesses and find ways that can help you to build and maintain a healthy way of being.
